Weekly Ugly Report #4

There are ordinary derby defeats, and then there’s losing at home to ten men courtesy of a goal the refereeing body later says shouldn’t have counted.

Phil Foden got himself sent off in the first half after kicking out at Bruno Fernandes, leaving City with more than an hour to survive with ten men.

Naturally, United then lost.

Erling Haaland scored the only goal after Enzo Fernández, standing in an offside position, launched himself towards the ball without actually touching it. The flag went up. VAR had a look. The goal was given.

Then, after the match, Pro Ref admitted Fernández had interfered with play and the goal should not have stood.

Excellent.

Millions of pounds of technology, several officials, numerous camera angles and a lengthy review — followed by someone presumably getting home, watching it again and saying, “Ah.”

United still deserve plenty of credit here, though. Playing at Old Trafford against ten men for most of a Manchester derby and somehow losing 1–0 is a fine contribution to the Ugly Game.

Spurs have now played four Premier League matches this season.

Goals scored: zero.

Against Everton, they finally managed a shot on target.

The home crowd greeted it with ironic cheers.

It is difficult to improve upon that.

After spending hundreds of millions rebuilding the squad, Tottenham have achieved the sort of attacking numbers normally associated with a team whose striker got stuck in traffic.

They were booed off at full-time.

Four games. No wins. No goals.

The season is young, but Spurs are clearly taking this competition seriously.

Axel Disasi provided our traditional reckless-red-card entry by charging into Jack Clarke with his studs raised.

Straight red.

Disasi then lingered near the tunnel, apparently hoping VAR might rescue him.

It didn't.

There is something beautifully optimistic about absolutely clattering someone, being shown a red card and then hanging around just in case several slow-motion replays somehow make it look better.

Palace subsequently conceded twice, fought back to 2–2, missed a glorious chance and then conceded a 90th-minute winner.

A complete afternoon.

Even in an Arsenal victory, there must always be a refereeing dispute.

It is the law.

Sunderland were awarded a penalty after Dan Ballard tangled with Ezri Konsa, prompting Mikel Arteta to describe the incident afterwards as a “judo roll”.

David Raya saved the penalty anyway, Arsenal went up the other end and scored shortly afterwards, and Sunderland later conceded another penalty while also having Reinildo sent off.

So we had two penalties, a red card, an angry Arteta and several hours of supporters arguing about refereeing clips online.

Premier League heritage.

Coventry's return to the Premier League continues to go beautifully.

Four games.

Four defeats.

No goals.

This week they added a 5–0 home defeat and a Taiwo Awoniyi red card to the collection.

At some point you stop looking for positives and start checking whether the fixture list has a complaints department.

Brighton, meanwhile, even had Lewis Dunk scoring from roughly another postcode.

Chelsea took the lead at home against newly promoted Hull.

Six chaotic minutes later, Mohamed Belloumi had scored twice and Hull were ahead.

Chelsea eventually rescued a point, but only after another afternoon of defensive uncertainty in which a misjudged ball, a messy corner and general confusion did much of Hull's creative work for them.

Hull remain unbeaten.

Chelsea remain Chelsea.

Liverpool produced a thrilling 0–0 at home to Fulham.

Bournemouth led Brentford but again failed to win.

Aston Villa lost 2–1 at home to Nottingham Forest and remain without a Premier League victory.

Basically, if you were looking for competence this weekend, Arsenal and Brighton appear to have taken most of it.